Metro Creative Connection
By Dr. Carol Olson | Chairman, Valleywise Health Department of Psychiatry
The loss of a loved one is never easy, regardless of the circumstances. But family and friends of those who die by suicide face unique challenges as they grieve.
Very often the news of a suicide comes as a shock, leaving those behind to wonder how a person close to them got to this point … Wondering if there was something more they could have done … Wondering how they’ll possibly share the news with others … Wondering if things will ever feel the same again.
Loss that comes after suicide is unlike any other. Moving forward is a complicated, painful process and it can create its own mental health challenges. Those grieving may face disruptions to their sleep, depression or anxiety. Family relationships may falter, creating additional stress.
But as with coping with any loss, there are ways to move forward.
• Allow yourself to grieve. It can be tempting to push those uncomfortable feelings aside. After all, your home and work obligations haven’t disappeared. But denying those feelings won’t help. The process is not linear — you might feel better some days and worse other days. Give yourself grace and space to process your emotions.
• Ask for help. Find someone you trust who you can talk to. That might be a friend or family member, or it might be a therapist. Support groups for suicide-related loss can be especially helpful, as you have the chance to connect with others who understand what you’re going through. EMPACT’s Survivors of Suicide is one place to find an in-person or virtual support group. You don’t have to go through this alone.
• Honor their memory. How can you celebrate this person’s life? Recall how they brought joy to those around them, their accomplishments, quirks and favorite things. Some like to create memorials by lighting a candle, planting a tree or creating a scrapbook.
• Don’t blame yourself. After a suicide, it’s normal to question what you might have done differently. But suicide is a complex issue, often involving many factors beyond anyone’s control.
• Take care of your own needs. A healthy diet, good sleeping habits and exercise can greatly help your mood. And don’t neglect other activities that bring you peace. That could be art, music, meditation, gathering with loved ones and many other things. Many also find solace in spiritual practices and religious beliefs. Lean on your faith — whatever that looks like — for comfort.
There’s no one way to grieve after a suicide. Those coping with loss must move forward in the best way they can, giving themselves space to experience their feelings without judgment and seeking appropriate help when they need it.
Editor’s note: Dr. Carol Olson, MD, DFAPA, is chairman of the Department of Psychiatry at Phoenix-based Valleywise Health. Reader reactions, pro or con, are welcomed at AzOpinions@iniusa.org.
