Walenciak: Finding common ground in unexpected places — my improv journey

Kellie Walenciak

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There was a time when political ideology was just a tiny facet of our identities, rarely discussed and seldom the cause of division. Today, social media magnifies these differences to catastrophic effect.”

I was a bundle of nerves on the first day of improv class, and I'll confess, there were several times when I nearly backed out.

Being an introvert, I find social interactions excruciatingly painful. Yet, because I blabbed my plans to attend to my family and colleagues, I couldn't face telling them I bailed. Besides, since becoming an empty nester and now in my 20th year of remote work, I’ve prioritized social connection. So, joining an improv class was a giant step in that direction.

I walked in late, which I think was a good thing. I had less time to overthink and give in to my jitters. Our instructor wasted no time getting started either (another plus). He immediately told us to stand in a circle and share our names, pronouns, reasons for joining the class, and something a little personal about ourselves.

As everyone took their turn, the atmosphere was light-hearted sharing — until it wasn’t. When two individuals balked at sharing their pronouns, I rolled my eyes (figuratively). I immediately judged them as people with whom I had nothing in common, even though we were all there for the same reason — to meet new people and boost our social lives. Ironically, I met what I perceived as closed minds with a closed mind of my own.

Over the next eight weeks, however, my initial judgments began to melt away, layer by layer. Each class was a step deeper into the world of improv, where we were encouraged to leave politics and religion at the door — a rule that made sense, as those topics rarely build bridges.

Instead, we talked about our fears, childhood memories and the little details that painted a fuller picture of who we were outside the confines of that room. Improv warm-up games and exercises, scene work and monologues were revelations (and fun!), bringing us closer together.

The universal rule of improv and life

One of the core tenets of improv is that you look good if you make your partner look good. It’s a fantastic rule for comedy, but it’s an even better life lesson. Focusing on what we have in common naturally leads us to like, respect, trust and want to support each other.

You have to get to that place to be successful at improv. After all, you can’t perform a scene alone. You have to rely on your partner. As I connected these dots, I realized this simple truth extends to all successful relationships — relying on one another and knowing you’ll be accepted and supported in any situation.

As the weeks passed, I expected to feel more confident (and I did), but I didn’t expect to keep learning something new about life itself. I began to think about how society has shifted and how we often let superficial disagreements prevent or ruin deeper connections.

There was a time when political ideology was just a tiny facet of our identities, rarely discussed and seldom the cause of division. Today, social media magnifies these differences to catastrophic effect.

A 2020 Wakefield research study found that 33% of Americans had ended a romantic relationship over politics. Even more telling, a recent New York Times and Siena College poll revealed that nearly one in five voters felt their political views had damaged relationships with family and friends. That’s devastating.

Yet, in this improv class, two strangers I initially dismissed were becoming people I enjoyed being around. As we shared more of ourselves, I found we had a lot in common, and that early awkward encounter faded. It was a great reminder that first impressions aren't always correct and that everyone has more beneath the surface. I was embarrassed that I had let a single comment initially define my view of them, a mistake I grew to see as an opportunity for personal growth.

What lies beneath

Our gut reactions to someone’s stance on a social issue can sometimes mislead us about their true values. People are complex. As humans, we possess two levels of beliefs: surface beliefs, often unexamined assumptions and tribal reactions, and deeper, core principles that guide our behavior and actions in social settings and interactions.

Frequently, these surface-level and deeper beliefs can be at odds with individuals unaware of this conflict. That’s why it’s up to us to seek to understand the full spectrum of someone’s beliefs. We must look beyond our initial reactions and be willing to engage with the whole person. I’m grateful I had the opportunity to do just that.

Improv taught me more than just how to be funny (and whether I actually managed to be funny is still up for debate). It taught me the power of setting aside differences to find common ground.

In a world that feels more divided with each election cycle, our little improv circle was a microcosm of what we could achieve when we focus on what brings us together instead of what tears us apart.

Kellie Walenciak is head of Global Marketing at Televerde, a global revenue creation partner headquartered in Phoenix. Reader reactions, pro or con, are welcomed at AzOpinions@iniusa.org.